Dating Series - Part 5

In the last blog I made this statement, “The first and foremost important quality to look for in a mate is someone who is willing to do the hard work to make the relationship successful! If they aren’t willing then they aren’t worth your time!” I have had several emails and calls in regards to this comment so I am going to explain this before I move to the next topic.

When I speak of doing the hard work I am not talking about a person who works to try to please you or make you happy. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. True happiness is something that comes from within as you gain an understanding of who you are in Christ and the purpose God has for your life. I could change the word happiness to peace and contentment or joy and abundance. True happiness can only be experienced when Christ is the center focal point of your life. All other feelings of happiness wane over time based on circumstance and relationship.

When I speak of a person who is willing to do the hard work to make the relationship successful, I am talking about a person who has a Christ centered self esteem and approach to life. They live life on purpose allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through them. The result of a person who lives this way is what Galatians 5:22-26 states. It reads, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”

Two people focused on building a relationship based on Christ living in them and the Holy Spirit flowing through them are a couple who have the best chance of having a successful relationship! Their eyes are fixed on Christ and they see their mate from a Christ centered point of view. They understand the importance of communication and are willing to make the investment of time that it takes to build a solid foundation for the relationship.

The decision to look for a relationship that completes you and has the qualities of success is entirely up to you. I had a person tell me the other day that it was too much work to do the things I am sharing. I know this person’s relationship history and it is dismal. The hours spent crying over failed relationships, hurtful words spoken to them, and counseling are too many to count! I told them to total up the hours and compare it to the hours it will take each day to implement change and see what the result would be.

Later that afternoon they called me back. They told me they did what I said and they were overwhelmed when they began to look at their past relationships in truth. The number of hours they had spent consumed by bad relationships were too many to count. Then they said they were willing to try something different. Remember in the last blog I told you the definition of insanity is to keep doing things the same as you have always done and expecting to see different results. I know this process takes time and effort but I can guarantee the results far out way the investment and you are worth it!

Now that you are beginning to understand the importance of using your time being single effectively as a time of healing, self growth, discovery, and character building, you are ready to go to the next level of learning. Now I will address what I promised in the last blog. I am going to address this truth first:

God has a purpose for your life and your relationship!

Psalm 139: 1- 18 says:
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

When you operate your life daily from an understanding of this passage you will be empowered during the time it takes to find the mate who completes you. You will not become anxious or worried when Mr./Miss Right doesn’t show up on your doorstep wrapped in a big red bow overnight! You will be patient and spend the time it takes to become healthy. You will also begin to believe that God has fashioned and formed a mate who completes you. I have three children who still live at home. They are 7, 8, and 14. From the time they began saying prayers I taught them the importance of praying for their God fashioned mate daily.

At first they thought it was silly but over time they grew to understand the importance. I explained that their future spouse was growing up right now just like they are and it was important to pray for God’s purpose and protection for them. After our talks they captured the vision of what I was saying. This is the same thing I want you to understand. It is one thing to spend time searching for your mate and it is entirely different to spend time praying for them and allowing God to fill you with His truth and purpose for your life.

As you align yourself with the truth from God’s Word and you pray for your mate God will work in you to bring the healing you need for past wounds. He will begin to give you wisdom and understanding about relationships and He will bring you peace as you wait on Him. You will begin to identify the traits you are looking for in a mate. Remember that as you write your non-negotiable and negotiable lists you will begin to see what desires God has placed in your heart and you will begin to have the strength to wait on Him to grant them.

God is faithful and He has an incredible plan for your life and for your relationship! I know how frustrating it can be during this time but it is important to remember that God’s timing is not usually our timing. His timing is always perfect and when you understand this you will become more patient on this journey of looking for your mate.