Dating Series - Part 6

I am sure that all of you have gone to watch a movie at a theatre. You determine the movie you want to watch, buy your tickets, popcorn, and drink, and make your way into the theatre. You are filled with anticipation because you have been waiting for this movie to be released! After the previews are over and the movie begins you sit back in your seat and prepare to watch the movie. What would happen if the movie that came on the screen was a completely different movie than the one you paid for? Would you just sit there and watch the movie or would you get up and tell the management to change it? Would you be satisfied or discontent? How long would you wait until you exited the theatre?

This may sound like a strange way to start a blog but trust me I have a point. When you begin dating someone both of you share portions of your life stories and you tell each other about the things you like to do or don’t like to do. In other words you give the other person a preview of your life. These are the stories and images you want them to grab hold of to entice them to stay in the relationship long enough to see the feature film. You portray your BEST self each other! Just like movie trailers you both will know within a short time if this is a movie (life) you want to see. If it is you are willing to wait for it to come out and if it isn’t you move on to the next dating relationship.

What you have to understand is that whatever is on the movie reel is what will be portrayed on the screen. And the same is true of your life. Everything that is inside of you, your beliefs, past hurts, thoughts, words, and actions, will eventually be portrayed on the movie screen of your life. Some of you have horror stories from past abuse that you have never gotten healed of. Some of you have false, negative, or limiting beliefs that you have never addressed. Some of you have thoughts of fear, worry, and anxiety you have never learned to overcome. All of these things are stored on the (movie reel) of your life and if you do not address them they will eventually be portrayed in your life to your partner.

This is why so many relationships fail because people buy into the preview and then once the feature film begins they say, “Wait a minute this is not what I wanted! This is completely the opposite of what I thought it was going to be!” “I’m out of here!” And another relationship ends and you find yourself single once again.

This is why it is so important to spend your time being single to address the issues of your life before you get into a relationship. If you do this your opportunity for a successful relationship is greater than the person who is unwilling to do it. Not only does it prepare you to be in a relationship but it teaches you how to be discerning when you begin to date someone. You will be able to see “glitches” in the movie reel during the preview session that will give you clues as to whether or not this is someone you want to date.

The responsibility of being discerning belongs to you. I hear story after story of people who say they were caught completely off guard after the wedding day because they had no idea the other person had certain issues. I understand that everything can’t be known prior to the wedding, but a lot can be if a person takes the time to invest in themselves and become healthy on this side of the wedding aisle. I believe too many people especially women are too eager to run down the aisle and say “I do” only to later say “What did I do?”

It doesn’t have to be this way!

As I have said in a previous blog being single is an incredible blessing! You have the opportunity to find out who you are, what you like, and how you want to spend your life. Then you get to determine who you want to spend it with. I have a woman I coach who has been putting my advice to practice in her life. She is dating a couple of men and what she has discovered is that the qualities from her negotiable and non-negotiable list are found in both men, but not all of them in one man. Now she is beginning to pray that God brings one man into her life who possesses most or all of those qualities. She is no longer anxious hoping one of them will change and become her everything. Instead she has discovered that men possess those qualities and it is just a matter of time before she finds the right one.

Before I began coaching her she would have pursued one of those men passionately because she would have thought a little is better than nothing at all,that her clock was ticking, and time was running out. If she had succeeded at capturing one of them she would have ended up disappointed later on when she discovered that they could not or would not meet her other needs.

Instead she has learned that there is no clock, she has all the time in the world, and that a little eventually leads to not enough later on. She is taking her time being single to heal from past wounds, change her inner beliefs, and to become a strong person, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. She continues to do these things and she is at peace and enjoying her dating life. She is willing to take the time to make sure the “feature film” reflects the truth of what she portrayed in the preview. She is no longer anxious and worried! She is discovering God’s incredible love for her and His plan for relationship success and she is willing to wait for it!

The question is are you?