We all know what joy feels like. There are many times in life when we experience joy in relationships. The initial joy is what I like to call the “Butterfly” feeling. That is when your stomach gets in knots just at the thought of the person you are in relationship with. We anticipate the time we will get to spend with them and dream about what our relationship will become over time. If we meet a potential mate we anticipate what it would be like to build a future together. If we start a new job we anticipate building great relationships with our coworkers. When we have children we anticipate the joy that will come when we spend time with them as they are growing up. At first this emotion of joy seems complete and we can’t imagine anything ever taking it away. But as we all know, oftentimes that joy is short lived, as the reality of life sets in. The joy doesn’t go away completely but it definitely fades from its original intensity.
In a relationship with a significant other the things we found intriguing and cute in the beginning usually end up driving us crazy the more we spend time with that person. When the rose colored glasses come off we begin to get annoyed at them and begin to draw back with our emotion of joy. This is very natural and it happens to all of us in every relationship we have. From relationships with our parents, coworkers, kids, spouses, etc., every person experiences different phases of joy. There is a reason for this and if we can understand it, we will be able to experience true inner joy, in all of our relationships, even the difficult ones.
Let me explain something about joy. The emotion of joy can cease at any moment, like the times in life when we get bad news or someone hurts our feelings. We have all experienced this. Our emotions are God given and we experience different emotions at different times. But what I want you to understand is that we are the ones who waver and change, and we replace our emotion of joy with an emotion of despair, based on our circumstances. This joy is the emotion of joy that comes from our soul man. But there is another joy that we have access to as Christians that does not change in the midst of relationship difficulties, and that joy is the joy that comes from our spirit man. The Spirit of God does not change based on our circumstances in life! God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. When we have a Spirit controlled temperament our joy cannot be taken away no matter what difficulties we face in life. Now here is the difference!
Galatians 5 says that joy is a fruit of the Spirit and the only way to experience lasting joy in all of our relationships, from the good ones to the bad ones, is to have our joy coming from our spirit man and not our soul. One of the most important things for a believer to understand is that the fruit of the Spirit is not an emotion for us to muster up and control. It is in the giving up control to the Spirit of God where we will see the fruit of joy operating in our lives on a consistent basis.
God’s promise of joy as a fruit of the Spirit does not wane and His joy is everlasting and constant, even in the midst of our relationship difficulties! In fact, we have a promise from God in Psalm 94:18, 19 that says, “When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” NIV The Lord consoles us in our times of grief and trouble and that consolation is meant to bring joy to our souls; but only if we hold onto the promise of joy as a fruit of the Spirit and not just as an emotion of the soul. When we have the fruit of the Spirit operating in our lives, our circumstances and relationship problems won’t overwhelm us to the point where we lose our faith or our identity in the process of experiencing a relational problem.
When we become more intimately acquainted with God on a personal level we will begin to understand the difference between the fruit of the Spirit and the emotions of the soul. This insight will take us to a new level of understanding God’s character and His Word. We also have to remember John 15:16 when Jesus says, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.” NKJV and in the NIV it says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”
Here is the choice the believer has to make. Who are we going to give the control of our lives to? Are we going to give over control to our soul and be tossed back and forth in our emotions depending on what we experience? Or are we going to give over the control of our emotions to the Holy Spirit and experience the fruit of joy that will last as Jesus promised? Today the choice is ours. I want to encourage you to seek wisdom and understanding in this area. If you do, you will be blessed. Let me leave you with this passage.
Proverbs 3:13 – 26:
Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding; For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, And her gain than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her. Length of days is in her right hand, In her left hand riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, And all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, And happy are all who retain her. The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; By understanding He established the heavens; By His knowledge the depths were broken up, And clouds drop down the dew. My son, let them not depart from your eyes— Keep sound wisdom and discretion; So they will be life to your soul And grace to your neck. Then you will walk safely in your way, And your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror, Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes; For the LORD will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught.
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