In the last blog I made this statement, “The first and foremost important quality to look for in a mate is someone who is willing to do the hard work to make the relationship successful! If they aren’t willing then they aren’t worth your time!” I have had several emails and calls in regards to this comment so I am going to explain this before I move to the next topic.
When I speak of doing the hard work I am not talking about a person who works to try to please you or make you happy. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. True happiness is something that comes from within as you gain an understanding of who you are in Christ and the purpose God has for your life. I could change the word happiness to peace and contentment or joy and abundance. True happiness can only be experienced when Christ is the center focal point of your life. All other feelings of happiness wane over time based on circumstance and relationship.
When I speak of a person who is willing to do the hard work to make the relationship successful, I am talking about a person who has a Christ centered self esteem and approach to life. They live life on purpose allowing the Holy Spirit to flow through them. The result of a person who lives this way is what Galatians 5:22-26 states. It reads, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”
Two people focused on building a relationship based on Christ living in them and the Holy Spirit flowing through them are a couple who have the best chance of having a successful relationship! Their eyes are fixed on Christ and they see their mate from a Christ centered point of view. They understand the importance of communication and are willing to make the investment of time that it takes to build a solid foundation for the relationship.
The decision to look for a relationship that completes you and has the qualities of success is entirely up to you. I had a person tell me the other day that it was too much work to do the things I am sharing. I know this person’s relationship history and it is dismal. The hours spent crying over failed relationships, hurtful words spoken to them, and counseling are too many to count! I told them to total up the hours and compare it to the hours it will take each day to implement change and see what the result would be.
Later that afternoon they called me back. They told me they did what I said and they were overwhelmed when they began to look at their past relationships in truth. The number of hours they had spent consumed by bad relationships were too many to count. Then they said they were willing to try something different. Remember in the last blog I told you the definition of insanity is to keep doing things the same as you have always done and expecting to see different results. I know this process takes time and effort but I can guarantee the results far out way the investment and you are worth it!
Now that you are beginning to understand the importance of using your time being single effectively as a time of healing, self growth, discovery, and character building, you are ready to go to the next level of learning. Now I will address what I promised in the last blog. I am going to address this truth first:
God has a purpose for your life and your relationship!
Psalm 139: 1- 18 says:
O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
When you operate your life daily from an understanding of this passage you will be empowered during the time it takes to find the mate who completes you. You will not become anxious or worried when Mr./Miss Right doesn’t show up on your doorstep wrapped in a big red bow overnight! You will be patient and spend the time it takes to become healthy. You will also begin to believe that God has fashioned and formed a mate who completes you. I have three children who still live at home. They are 7, 8, and 14. From the time they began saying prayers I taught them the importance of praying for their God fashioned mate daily.
At first they thought it was silly but over time they grew to understand the importance. I explained that their future spouse was growing up right now just like they are and it was important to pray for God’s purpose and protection for them. After our talks they captured the vision of what I was saying. This is the same thing I want you to understand. It is one thing to spend time searching for your mate and it is entirely different to spend time praying for them and allowing God to fill you with His truth and purpose for your life.
As you align yourself with the truth from God’s Word and you pray for your mate God will work in you to bring the healing you need for past wounds. He will begin to give you wisdom and understanding about relationships and He will bring you peace as you wait on Him. You will begin to identify the traits you are looking for in a mate. Remember that as you write your non-negotiable and negotiable lists you will begin to see what desires God has placed in your heart and you will begin to have the strength to wait on Him to grant them.
God is faithful and He has an incredible plan for your life and for your relationship! I know how frustrating it can be during this time but it is important to remember that God’s timing is not usually our timing. His timing is always perfect and when you understand this you will become more patient on this journey of looking for your mate.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
No God, No Lasting Love! Know God, Know Lasting Love! (Part One)
We all know what love feels like. The emotion of love is intense and can be all consuming! From the love we feel for our family members to the love we feel towards our mate. Love takes on many forms throughout our lives and we use the word love in many settings and situations. I hear people say they love a certain kind of food, or they love a sports team, etc., and I’m sure they do, but is that really love? I hear teenagers tell me they love the person they are dating and I hear people say they love their job, but oftentimes that love shifts or ends due to a break up or a job loss; then they find themselves suffering emotions of sadness, bitterness, or anger. To be honest I don’t really think that most people understand what love truly is. The kind of love they know is more an affectionate emotion of temporary satisfaction, more than it is true love! I believe true and lasting love can only come from God as a fruit of the Spirit!
Many books have been written about the different kinds of love, Agape, Eros, Phileo, and Storge. Here are some definitions of each and some insight into their meaning.
Agapeo or Agape – This is unconditional love. This word is translated to mean charity. It means loving someone for their value as a child of God, not for what they do for you or give you. It is Godly love and when Jesus spoke of love this was the main description of love that He referred to. This kind of love can only come from God. (John 3:16). This love cannot be mustered up or demonstrated as an emotion of the soul. It is the fruit of the Spirit that Galatians 5 talks about.
Eros – I haven’t found this definition in Scripture but it is in Greek writings. The English translation would be erotic, as referring to sex. It is based mostly on physical traits. This is the kind of love that benefits the self. “This makes me feel good. This makes me happy. This makes me feel valued, etc.” It is a self centered love of sorts. This is the strong emotional attraction to another person. This emotion of love is natural and needed. Romantic love plays a big part in relationships, but this emotion of love comes and goes, and cannot stand alone and last, apart from Agape love being its grounding.
Phileo – This is love based on friendship. It is not sexual in meaning. The city of Philadelphia is called the “City of Brotherly Love” for instance. It is a give and take love, a love of admiration. Anyone can experience this kind of love. Another way to think of it is “Platonic love”. Usually both people benefit when Phileo love is present but just like Eros love, it cannot stand on its own over an extended period of time without being grounded in Agape love.
Storge – the love between family members. It is the kind of love a parent has for a child and vice versa. It is a committed, and a lot of times sacrificial, kind of love. It is an instinctual type of love. This love can be tainted if there is harm done to a family member, but most often, it is an unconditional, forgiving love shown towards family members.
We can experience all of these types of love in our relationships. If we want to have a fulfillment of them that will last a lifetime, we have to make sure that our “acts of love” are coming from our solid foundation with God, through our relationship with Jesus Christ. God has given each of these types of love to bring joy, peace, and abundance to us. Each type is a free gift that we can choose to walk in or not. God gave us the fulfillment of every type of love through Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
If we want to walk in the abundance of that love and experience the other types of love fully, we have to allow God’s love to envelope us and we have to understand that no matter what we do, God has a committed love for us. His Agape love does not change based on what we do, how we act, or how we think.
God’s Agape love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
God’s Agape love always protects us. (1 Corinthians 13)
Only God’s Agape love flowing through us can bring true fulfillment in life.
From that fulfillment we can walk in the other types of love, without growing weary and weak. This is only possible when those “acts of love” are an extension of God’s perfect love flowing through us by the power of His Holy Spirit. In our own strength we can muster up the energy to love in any form but we will soon find our strength waning and we will grow tired, when we suffer relationships difficulties and setbacks.
If you want to live a fulfilled life and have a love in you, that flows from the Spirit of God, it is time to become grounded in God’s perfect love for you. I know it may be scary for some of you if you have been wounded in a love relationship of any kind, but as you take this leap of faith remember 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” If you have a fear of loving because you have been hurt by someone you loved in the past, there is hope! My prayer is that you will come with me on this journey into understanding love from a different perspective. In order to begin this journey all you have to do accept God’s perfect love for you by faith and He will do the rest.
To be continued……………………………………
Many books have been written about the different kinds of love, Agape, Eros, Phileo, and Storge. Here are some definitions of each and some insight into their meaning.
Agapeo or Agape – This is unconditional love. This word is translated to mean charity. It means loving someone for their value as a child of God, not for what they do for you or give you. It is Godly love and when Jesus spoke of love this was the main description of love that He referred to. This kind of love can only come from God. (John 3:16). This love cannot be mustered up or demonstrated as an emotion of the soul. It is the fruit of the Spirit that Galatians 5 talks about.
Eros – I haven’t found this definition in Scripture but it is in Greek writings. The English translation would be erotic, as referring to sex. It is based mostly on physical traits. This is the kind of love that benefits the self. “This makes me feel good. This makes me happy. This makes me feel valued, etc.” It is a self centered love of sorts. This is the strong emotional attraction to another person. This emotion of love is natural and needed. Romantic love plays a big part in relationships, but this emotion of love comes and goes, and cannot stand alone and last, apart from Agape love being its grounding.
Phileo – This is love based on friendship. It is not sexual in meaning. The city of Philadelphia is called the “City of Brotherly Love” for instance. It is a give and take love, a love of admiration. Anyone can experience this kind of love. Another way to think of it is “Platonic love”. Usually both people benefit when Phileo love is present but just like Eros love, it cannot stand on its own over an extended period of time without being grounded in Agape love.
Storge – the love between family members. It is the kind of love a parent has for a child and vice versa. It is a committed, and a lot of times sacrificial, kind of love. It is an instinctual type of love. This love can be tainted if there is harm done to a family member, but most often, it is an unconditional, forgiving love shown towards family members.
We can experience all of these types of love in our relationships. If we want to have a fulfillment of them that will last a lifetime, we have to make sure that our “acts of love” are coming from our solid foundation with God, through our relationship with Jesus Christ. God has given each of these types of love to bring joy, peace, and abundance to us. Each type is a free gift that we can choose to walk in or not. God gave us the fulfillment of every type of love through Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
If we want to walk in the abundance of that love and experience the other types of love fully, we have to allow God’s love to envelope us and we have to understand that no matter what we do, God has a committed love for us. His Agape love does not change based on what we do, how we act, or how we think.
God’s Agape love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
God’s Agape love always protects us. (1 Corinthians 13)
Only God’s Agape love flowing through us can bring true fulfillment in life.
From that fulfillment we can walk in the other types of love, without growing weary and weak. This is only possible when those “acts of love” are an extension of God’s perfect love flowing through us by the power of His Holy Spirit. In our own strength we can muster up the energy to love in any form but we will soon find our strength waning and we will grow tired, when we suffer relationships difficulties and setbacks.
If you want to live a fulfilled life and have a love in you, that flows from the Spirit of God, it is time to become grounded in God’s perfect love for you. I know it may be scary for some of you if you have been wounded in a love relationship of any kind, but as you take this leap of faith remember 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” If you have a fear of loving because you have been hurt by someone you loved in the past, there is hope! My prayer is that you will come with me on this journey into understanding love from a different perspective. In order to begin this journey all you have to do accept God’s perfect love for you by faith and He will do the rest.
To be continued……………………………………
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